A Clown Shares What Face Painting Taught Her About Male Violence In An Alarming Twitter Thread

We Tend To Gloss Over The Problems Boys Face.

I understand that many people are trying for equality but we tend to ignore or not realize most of the problems that guys face. Twitter user who goes by the name @boguspress realized this when she experienced the following incident.

It shows how little boys are conditioned to react to things around them. How ‘masculinity’ plays a major role in their and their parents life. A lot of times, the kind of attitude that should be awarded is met with derision.

This Story Starts Innocently Enough.

There Is Nothing Inherently Wrong With Painting A Blue Butterfly On A Boys Face.

Is A Little Blue Butterfly Really Such A Big Deal?

And We Should Stop.

This twitter user perfectly explained all that is wrong with our society in a short post. We can clearly see that there is nothing wrong with letting the kids act abd be who they want.

While it is essential that kids have parental supervision, Parents should never stop their kids for being who they want. This kind of behavior only ends up making the kids face problems later in life.

84 Comments

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  1. So basically what she just said is women force men to violent and then they complain and blame the men later in life that its their fault? Am I getting that right?

    • No. All people, men and women, are part of the problem. Did you conveniently not notice where the Dad also says ‘no’ ?

    • You are aware women internalize this bullshit misogyny/gender role nonsense too right? Lots of women out there thumping on about traditional gender roles.

      • You’ve still got it backwards. Women aren’t “internalizing” gender role bullshit…. theyre the SOURCE of it. Men CONSTANTLY alter their natural behavior in order to make themselves more sexually attractive to women. In totally male-dominated societies, homoeroticism is actually rampant. Masculinity is behavior specifically designed to attract women.

        • If “masculinity is behavior specifically designed to attract women,” then why do most of us wish y’all would cut it out with all the masculinity crap and just be decent human beings? But I forget, the patriarchy loves to blame women for men’s personal failings.

          • This is your problem: you’re equating masculinity with indecency.
            Imagine if I said that being feminine was indecent. There is nothing wrong with being masculine when people people actually understand what being masculine is instead of imposing their ideas of masculinity on people. Phrases like “be a man” or “man up” come to mind. Let a boy just be himself and he will be perfectly fine.

          • Because they are doing what WORKS, rather than what women think is best.

            Sadly, those two things are very different. Being an asshole sleezeball who sleeps with drunk women? Well guess what, they by definition sleep with women. A wife beater? Guess what, he has a wife.

            Etc…

      • Except for that little 4 year old boy. He was FORCED to forego a blue butterfly and regardless of the dichotomy of his family, he’ll learn that he has to be who and what others *expect* rather than who he is.

        Sad.

    • no Hiroshi you did not get that right. That it was the mom that was saying that is immaterial. Not important. It was the message that was being told to the boy. Regardless if it was the mom or the father who said it. The story was about the message that is being taught to young boys at early ages. It’s a reflection of what society finds important. What masculine and feminine means.

    • No, what she said is that a little boy wanted a butterfly and his mother shamed it out of it. Comments like yours are a big part of the problem in our world. The issue of forced masculinity isn’t the fault of women–it is the fault of society.

      You are seeking to edit this story so it reflects one of your own. Try stepping into the world without your own ego and issues long enough to see that the world does not revolve around you.

      The irony is, the story you tell is a product of a society that forces norms on women and men. So, you merely proved this woman’s point in spade.

  2. Surely feminine passive-aggressive self-indulgence is the greater character trait than anything men have ever aspired to. That’s why men do all the heavy lifting in the world, and women do little more than write screeds about butterflies and bones.

    • Wow, you can McFuck right off, Juan, what mommy issues made you hate women so much? If you’re going to act like such a garbage human when you’re made to feel even the slightest bit uncomfortable, instead of being a critically thinking human being with any basic empathy, then just don’t open your horrid mouth.

    • Clearly, you must be the boy from the article all grown up… You’re devaluing the writer of this article because of her gender and what it represents to you. In historic times brawn has always been more valued than brains, but you made your point about gender instead. You could have ragged on her for being a clown trying to write a serious article, but you chose the woman angle. Think on that, will you?

    • That is utterly ridiculous, why do you think this is true?

      I think you hold such views because you were taught to. Your pappy said so, which makes it right. Your pappy SAID it’s right, therefore it is.

    • And cook and clean and do laundry and tend to the gardens, and hold down jobs and raise kids and give birth. Yeah, women do nothing at all. Throughout history, women have been subjected to the whims and desires of men and which often included beatings and rapes. I guess while you were growing up your worthless momma just laid around the house writing “screeds about butterflies and bones’ while your daddy did everything around the house, raised you by himself, and held down a job. Just like all the families in the world; the wife is lazy and the husband does everything. You’re are an idiot. If you are married, I feel sorry for your wife and your sons will grow up to be assholes like you.

  3. This is such an everyday tragedy. More girl children than boy children try to commit suicide – but more of the boys succeed. Why? Because any warning signs that might alert people around them that something is wrong is so heavily stigmatized, and if they do show sadness or despair – any other feeling than rage, as the twitterer in this article puts it – it is seen as a weakness that should be ignored. They should “man up”. Toxic masculinity values are killing our sons.

    • Which means:
      1. Girls more often take a mild overdose and ensure they’ll be discovered because it’s a cry for help they know they’ll get.
      2. Girls are utterly incompetent.
      I think the boys and men who are actually dying is a more pressing problem.
      Who are the ones shaming them? Is the mother a man now?
      Is the only way you will see the humanity of men, or be able to empathise in any way, to remove any accountability of women and blame men?

      • funny to see someone talk about empathizing but then generalize girls are being utterly imcompetent.

        my sister OD’ed… but not because she was incompetent or crying for help, but because she merely ran out of pills around the house.

        so for the love of all that is Holy, before you spew your moronic generalizations and hypocritical bullshit, don’t. Just shut the f*ck up.

  4. That is really sad. I mean, the face paint was about making the child feel happy. So why not give him whatever he wants? To me it’s just a lack of respect for the feelings of the child.

  5. I hope the young man gets the support he needs. Name 5 artists out of history and likely 3 are men, at least.
    I hopened he is not pushed by women to be the “manly man” those women fear and hate.

  6. I think her entire point is that “masculinity” is considered better then “femininity” and its too bad that that tends to end up smothering children into preconceptions that they dont understand and likely dont want forced on them. How about we get rid of those “groups” and just let kids be kids and express themselves?

    • … you missed it all the way around… the problem is our children are pushed into a mold too quickly… he is but a mere child… his wants should be respected… he is a child, he wanted a butterfly… the problem is yes, the parents have a preconceived notion… and totally over ride the feelings of the child… yes , I agree, let kids be kids.. respect their thoughts as they travel through this thing called life… we are to be mere guides.. when they really stray from the path, we are not to take over their thoughts and feelings and this is what this parent did… took over…. I raised my 2 sons to be what ever they wanted to be…. both my boys had dolls, at a very early age… as parents we were fine with them… they gave them up when ready and did things they way they wanted…. we let them be kids… and now they are doing the same for their children… we need to raise our children that way so that we set in motion a much kinder and thoughtful world..

  7. The lesson here:

    Do not interfere with other people’s parenting.

    Overstep your bounds to spread YOUR message they repeatedly asked you not to, and be reprimanded.

    Article should be: Millenial proves why everyone despises them

    • Hi there,

      Could I have your legal guardian’s contact info, please?

      After having read your comment, I have some complaints about their parenting and feel the need to interfere.

      Take care!

      • It’s a little bit of both actually.

        Parents are often very critical of outside attempts to correct their parenting (for better or worse).

        If you’re going to correct someone’s parenting, it better be for a damn good reason (and likely something that involves legal action one way or the other). If both sides of the argument are in shades of gray, it’s probably not a good reason. If there’s clearly a black-and-white dichotomy here (e.g.: physical or sexual abuse), then yes, by all means step in!

        A butterfly on a kid’s face is not a reason to interfere with one’s parenting directly. Eventually the kid will become a teenager and be more vocal about what he wants on his face, and he’ll be the one to spearhead that debate with his parents.

        • I totally agree , Sir . As a parent and grandparent of both boys and girls , I would be outraged for a person to persist after I had told the kid no . The woman needs to stick to clowning and painting and keep roaring her feminist opinion only from her keyboard .

          • Dear lord. Thanks, “gator granny” generation, for all those good ol’ fashioned values that gave the current generation all this toxic masculinity to deal with.

            To speak of “feminist opinion” with such vitriol? First of all, I’m not sure what you think feminism is, but I can tell you that men and women who embrace feminism want to make a better world for our children, to persist on a level playing field, to not label our complex experiences and emotional lives as “gendered” when they are just “human!” Oh yeah, and those terrible feminists are also championing all those rights and protections, too, that make the world safer for women AND men.

            I used to work at an Ivy League university, in a science and technology department. One of the best parts of that job was when I got to work as an advisor to the sophomore women who were planning to declare Mechanical Engineering as their major. Brilliant young women, and I was in awe of their determination, as the majority of them had been told somewhere along the way by peers, professsors, parents, that they should be choosing a major where women could better succeed. But they persisted, and they entered a major where they made up of 15% of the total cohort, and where there was NOT A SINGLE FEMALE PROFESSOR in the department. Oh, and by the way? This was 2009. Not 1970.

            So yeah, this article is about face painting. But it’s really about the messages we send boys and girls from the very beginning of their lives. Gator Granny, I understand that it can be frustrating when somebody comments on or intervenes with a parenting decision, but surely you also recognize the problem with telling a boy that he should have a skull and crossbones instead of the butterfly he requested?

      • Pretty sure he’d just LOVE to have interfered with your Conception.. from the amount of butthurt your comment portrays I know I would’ve.

  8. I see a lot of boys not even allowed to get face paint at all because it’s considered makeup so “girly”. At a local craft fair we have in town a lady from the animal shelter does face painting or you can get it on your arm or hand like a tattoo for the kids at no charge, with a little bucket for donations to the shelter. Now this is a free service, no need to pay, she just does it for fun. She does dogs, cats, paw prints, and the logo of the shelter.

    I’d say about 1/4 of the boys who go past are told no, that’s too girly. And the boys who do get one done it’s usually on their arm like a tattoo. But I mean a cat or a dog is too girly? What kind of world has this come too?

  9. I had a little boy want a unicorn horn and ears I made to sell at a renaissance faire. His mother told him no, that unicorns are for girls. I flat out argued with her and told him he can like unicorns. My husband was bedside me agreeing with me. This was just yesterday. Its a shame, butterflies and unicorns can be for everyone!

    • I fully agree. One single thing can’t be for a girl or a boy. Why do we see gender in everything? It was just a kid asking for a butterfly. We shouldn’t read so much into it. A person should be allowed to be who they are whether it is a kid or an adult.

    • Especially as time goes on, the things men traditionally did only themselves is now being done by women, things that were considered to be only for men and not “Lady Like” is now completely normal.

      But this isn’t just a problem with Parenting, it’s a problem with a lot of people, men and women. Men in relationships are expected to take care of their family by working most of their lives, even if he could be a stay at home dad and take care of the house, he’s seen less of a man.

  10. I see people blaming men here as usual.. but it needs to be pointed out that it was a *woman* that stopped her son, and then dragged the husband into it.

    Sadly even as a woman I see this elsewhere a lot. People forget that women are more often the stay at home parents with the kids, and they are the ones that are forcing the stereotypes onto the kids. Or telling their son that he can’t have a butterfly or their daughter that she can’t have a sword. The “war on boys” isn’t just a fairy tale. Sadly it’s driven by women that view everything that isn’t feminist as an attack on them, instead of just letting kids be kids.

    • “Sadly it’s driven by women that view everything that isn’t feminist as an attack on them, instead of just letting kids be kids.”

      Are you really so dumb that you don’t even realize that you’re contradicting yourself?
      Feminism is about showing that women and femininity are equal to men and masculinity. The reason boys aren’t allowed to do “girly” things is PRECISELY because femininity is viewed as inferior to masculinity and something too lowly for men to engage in.

      Feminists PRECISELY fight AGAINST “telling their son that he can’t have a butterfly or their daughter that she can’t have a sword”

      You are an idiot.

      • Feminism is a disease that only wants the annihilation of anything remotely masculine. If this were not so, the feminists would be out disavowing all of the actions of the feminist protesters taking to the streets and saying out loud that women are better than men and deserve as much. Interestingly, I noticed all the Trucks pulling boats into Houston to save peoples lives were all driven by men. Where were the feminists then?

  11. Pretty on point. So many of the traditional traits of masculinity are nothing but negatives. Namely, you are allowed to kill and not feel any emotion except blood lust or horny or laborious. Then people wonder why boys end up growing up beating on their lovers or killing mass groups of people.

    Because being a boy to many people means being violent and dominating. Traits that belong in the Bronze Age.

  12. Let’s all pause a moment to despair for humanity. Some of the comments are more upsetting than the original post. Why the hell is mental health so poorly valued, supported and available in our society? Good luck everyone.

    • Mostly because Our last generation, The Baby Boomers and Gen X were both to shove their emotions down, men anyways. Mental health hasn’t really been researched into until the Millenial Generation, which the other Generations are ignorant of and taught to put that stuff aside.

  13. Yes it’s sad. A child isn’t born with a sense of what’s right for a boy or a girl. Why would any child care that blue is a boycolor and pink is a girlcolor for instance? Naturally they don’t care. It’s not untill the grownups start to interfere and put these thoughts in their head that children start to learn that particular toys are meant to be for boys only and that particular clothes are colors are for girls only. I’m a man and I used to play with barbie together with my sister. Who the hell cares? We were spending quality time together and having fun.

  14. Children remember, especially emotionally charged situations. I would have told the boy to enjoy the skull and crossbones and that one day someone will paint a butterfly on your face.

  15. My little cousin asked an employee at a clothing store “Is this a boys hat or a girls hat?” She said “That hat could be for a boy OR a girl.” The hat was dark green camo with two gold rhombus studs on it. It look gender neutral to me. My aunt and her husband said he couldn’t get it because the two studs made it too girly. Another time Ashley was complaining to me about other parents posting pics of their little boy with a pink bracelet.

  16. The comments here are really disheartening. This isn’t meant to be a blame game. This isn’t meant to even judge someone’s parenting- mom and dad got their way. This is about A LITTLE BOY, a child, being denied opportunity for happiness or expressing himself. A child being groomed that butterflies- which are bugs, with colourful wings at the end of the day- are too weak and pretty to paint on his face. A child being told that if he likes pretty, or beautiful things he is not enough and being made to feel bad for it. Can we please make it about that? Not mom, dad, or the clown!

  17. The clown is correct.
    At one level, parents need to be able to check their sh*t before wrecking their kids.. but they won’t, because like the Mom & Dad here, many of them really are just too chicken-sh*t.
    But since the kids shouldn’t have to suffer for their parents’ idiocies, and since you can’t beat logic and reason into a dead horse, you can still TRICK the parents into being afraid they’ll censure themselves.

    For example, “Oh, well you know that butterflies are totally metal, right? They’re vampire moths that drink reptile tears and blood! Some even eat meat, like vultures do! They’re better pilots than anyone in Top Gun, their eggs look like decorative Japanese hand-grenades, and their feet look like this!: https://www.ndsu.edu/ndmoths/ndmoths/images/claw%20C%20philodice%20lat.jpg

  18. Sadly, IMHO the majority of parents want to live their lives thru their children. It’s not about the child being what he or she wants. It’s about the parent fulfilling a desire that they never got to fulfill.

  19. Another point to ponder. The parents are being insensitive to what the child want’s. It is again reinforcing that children should not have an opinion of their own. It is not only about gender roles but about teaching individuals to be subservient to authoritarian demands. I am not saying that children should not obey their parents. I am saying that parents should not be so controlling that a child grows up with a diminished self worth.

    • Insensitive to what the child wants?? Who is the parent? Who is the child? And who do you think is the one raising the child?

      • Last time I chicked, raising a child and respecting his reasonable and fair desires weren’t incompatible. Childs are human beings, not robots.

  20. Only the media could take a story about a woman emotionally abusing and oppressing her young son and try to turn it around and make it about “male violence”. Because obviously that young boy cant just be presented as the helpless victim he is, the reader has to be reminded that he’s ACTUALLY a potential future rapist/abuser/criminal/monster. This article is merely doing to that boy a more insidious version of what his mother did: painting a skull & crossbones on his face, rather than a butterfly.

  21. Well then… I guess its time I write this letter to ya’ll. First, I’d like to thank everyone who commented or liked my current profile picture. It means a lot and is good to see there are folks out there who can take themselves and others lightly.
    Most of whom commented, have already heard some of this, while the rest of everyone may seek an explanation. which I’ll do my best to clarify. I can only speak for me, however, thus far in my journey, I have learned that my story is shared by countless people and in some cases, I may speak for them as they may speak for me.
    In my answers to any questions, I will try to remain objectively first person but humbly reserve the right to go in to the third or disseminate an opinion.
    So yeah, that is me in the picture. This was not some, ʻone night in Vegasʼ photo op, nor was it Halloween or Mardis Gras. It was me trying my best at making my outside look like what my inside feels like it should look like, for the 10,000th time.
    You see, I am what the media has termed ʻTransgenderʼ, and have the hormones to prove it. I have been on Hormone Replacement Therapy for the past 9 months and will be undergoing a full spectrum of female hormones and a few surgeries in the coming years.
    Before I go any further, in these past nine months, I HAVE NEVER FELT BETTER. That being said, this time last year, I was almost suicidal. I was at the end of my rope with behaving and acting and dressing in accordance with a role that was given to me by my society and the media that controls it.
    We all start female as zygotes, it is not until a pair of hormones are released that an embryo becomes male. Somewhere in my embryonic development, something triggered a stress response resulting in release of a protein hormone called H-Y antigen and/or Mullerian Inhibiting Factor. This develops boys. I was not supposed to get that hormone.
    When we are born, we are given pink things or blue things and this determines what set of common core values we as individuals are supposed to have in regard to just about everything. These roles go with us in to adulthood and are reinforced everywhere we look in society, in advertisements, movies, music – you name it. We are made to believe what we see from the very time we open our eyes.
    I knew I was a little girl stuck in a little boys body at 3 years old. The Everywhere Spirit knew it too. One summer day while in NJ, a car backed out of a driveway just in time to run me over and drag me out in to the street underneath of it while my back burned on the exhaust pipes. For some reason, this attempted factory recall did not work. The car stopped and I remember my dad reaching to me as my head lay on the road just inches from where the stopped tire would have rolled. The poor kid driving was sick and the EMT nurses were trying to cheer me up while preparing me for transport. I was PISSED. Anyway…
    I discovered the Freudian anal stage in the bathtub at age 6 and started crossdressing when I was 12 after fantasizing about it for years. When I was 4, my cousin had a cabbage patch doll and I wanted one. Like for real for real. At first my parents wouldnʼt budge. It was only after putting on a show and throwing a fit that they finally gave in and got me a knock off CPK. It was not what I wanted, but I made do. I quickly recognized disappointment and confusion in my parents eyes as a little girl and so I began crafting my way around them… or so I thought… It wasnʼt until the following year when they went to Hawaiʼi on of dads ʻbest damn salesman in my divisionʼ vacations that my mom brought me back a REAL cabbage patch kid named, Taro, who was, none other than, a little boy. He was cool, we got along, but I really wanted his sister as my friend. Anyway, that is where I first remember it.
    It reverberated throughout my years in grade school. I used camouflage, guns, identification with ʻthe militaryʼ in all its forms, hunting, fishing, football, wrestling, playing army, playing with gijoes, playing spy and stealing a Midi Generator from the LHS Music lab – all this stuff was done as an effort on my behalf to feel, appear (or learn to appear) capable, masculine and like a man is supposed to be and look. I carried this with me beyond the Catonsville Alternative School, packed on my back up to Vermont, out to Montana, to both Woodwards, down to Carolina, out to Tahoe, back to Vermont – only to come back to Ravenland having never quite ʻmade itʼ in any of those places. Wherever I went, there I was.
    I started snowboarding because a teacher of mine told me that ʻall the girls would love me if i didʼ. I think thats all I ever really wanted, was to be one of them.
    I majored in wildlife biology because my dad wanted me to. His love of deer hunting translated in to my making it an Autumn lifestyle and certainly became my way of vying for his approval. At the ʻBurg, I focused on deer and networked the MD biologists and made a name for myself in the MD deer community – all because I was trying to please my dad. You know? Dont get me wrong, I too have a love for the deer woods, but, in a sense that even my old dad does not grasp. When the Everywhere speaks to me in its silent signs, my old man just shakes his head and calls it my ʻstrange karma thingʼ. This ʻthingʼ has brought many unexplainable natural phenomena in to my life, some bad, most not.
    This ʻthingʼ is about natural balance. The Yin Yang, light and the dark, the in and the out, up and the down, masculine and the feminine. It is this very harmony which is sought in my daily unconscious.
    Some of those activities I still do and have come to do them exceptionally well. Some I will always do. Some are quickly fading in to history. Others have already gone.
    Through the years I had a few great girlfriends who were far more influential than they may know. I loved each one in a very special way but always knew that something was missing. That something was inside of me. Even after spending glorious time with
    each of these fine ladies, I would still feel the need to be a girl. By this time in my life, that Freudian stage had been quite charted and I was a young master.
    Getting all dolled up became a personified vessel for more ass play and sharing that knowledge, for sure, was very rewarding.. When I was so inclined, my own explorations proved far more exhilarating and satisfying. All this time, I knew this about myself, but hoped it would go away, or that it was a passing stage or just a fetish but it wasnʼt. It isnʼt. I have photos going back a decade which coincide with my first digital camera.
    So in a digital sense, forever. Some of them are scary to look at. Some serve as time- posts. They all serve as a journal of the evolution of my ability to match my outside with my inside. Things are looking up!!
    Last year, when I was almost suicidal, it was like a house of cards that I had built all of my life came crashing down.
    After a particularly wild evening en femme,
    I couldnʼt put ʻThe Chadʼ back together again.
    It had all tumbled down. A threshold crossed. No drugs, alcohol or other substances. Just energy. Vibrant life energy. I knew what I felt, I knew I loved it but nowhere in my reality that I looked, was there any place that I could stash these real, absolute and terrifying feelings and emotions. ʻIn my family, men arenʼt allowed to feelʼ said no woman ever.. I had known all of my life that a ʻsex changeʼ was in my cards if I were ever to be totally ʻmeʼ, but I lied to myself and others time and time again, countless personal misrepresentations – all an attempt to cover this up and it didnʼt work. I was so, so afraid and, I was done. My bell had gone off and there was no denial, something had to be done. It had to be drastic…and these words, not mine, made sense: ʻthe wheel is turning, you cant slow down. you cant let go, you cant hold on, you cant go back, and you cant stand still. If the thunder donʼt get you, then the lightning will, little wheel turn by the fire and rock, the big wheel turn by the grace of god, every time that wheel goes round, youʼre bound to cover just a little more groundʼ..
    My wheel had come/gone around. In 2004, I had been given the name of a doctor at the Hopkins SBCU, but I never made the call; until I finally made it last year. Shoulda been done in 1994.
    The Sexual Behaviors Consultation Unit at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore got my early January 2014 phone call – a near frantic message left on the recorder explaining myself as best I could. I waited and waited. Seemed like forever. When they didnʼt hit me back by the end of the day, I felt a wicked despair, like they had better things to do or something. During the hangtime, I contacted another psychologist and tried to find some answers. No real luck. I called Hopkins again a few days later and left another message. I had no one to talk to, nowhere to really turn for help sans a few friends who tried but had no idea what to do – god bless them, oh Great Everywhere. I was a mess. The repressed feminine yin energy had so been charged that the yang masculine simply folded and gave what energy it had to empower the yin.. It was like the whole of my life was represented by a duality where one had been nourished and allowed to
    grow, while the other had been stifled and kept in dark shadows forever. Like a big oak tree towering over a dying seedling below. It was scary, lonely, I had no idea what was going on inside of my head or how I was going to deal with it. I only knew that this time, I couldnʼt go it alone. I needed help.
    It turns out that office is only open on Fridays… and they were booked until mid- February! So I made due. I made it through. Counting down the days to a Valentine appointment with my destiny on the 14th of February 2014. Then on the 12th, it fucking snowed. Big. I love snow, but this particular storm really bothered me. Remember that balance and harmony I mentioned earlier? Yeah well, that includes weather. There is no irony in the fact that the Everywhere produced Balto-stopping winter weather on the day I was to go first meet with the people who might help me achieve my actualization. We rescheduled for the 28th. Again I waited, counting days. This was a test period, a grace of sorts. I weighed the possibility of it being a sign not to go forward with it. I toiled back and forth on the idea, while trying to start a new job. It was pyschosexual misery.
    When the day finally came, I was nervous but excited and full of anticipation. Hereʼs an excerpt from my journal, written that night:
    28 Feb 2014
    Johns Hopkins Hospital, SBCU, Meyer 144, Baltimore, MD 1200pm
    Today I made my first trip to “the clinic” as a transgenderli aware individual. I visited the JH Sexual Behaviors Consultation Unit, a part of Hopkins Psychiatry. What a trip it was getting to and from this appointment. I was fully dressed under baggy snow duds for my escape from Bobville. Basic makeup but no highlights. Got gas in the Butte. Drove down to Mulberry Street and then in to Orleans Street parking garage. Parked at Level 2-1. Here is swapped the snow baggys for feminine tops, vest, and put on the rest of my makeup and jewelry. – walked in from the parking garage to a stairwell that led to the rooftop parking level and a foot bridge the led to the hospital. Now let me explain a bit about this. Its lunchtime. I had eaten 100+ mg of adderall up to this point, been awake for two days and here I am as grrrl as I can get, walking in to Hopkins at noontime on bright and sunny afternoon.
    I was aware that I had my sunglasses on. I wanted to leave them there. But every step, I plunged deeper and further in to this hospital – wearing black sunglasses would appear even more ridiculous than a really pretty boy in girls clothes walking down the hallway. I pulled the shades from eyes and kept on corralling down the hallway. I was using a handy map that had been sent along with my info pack that was simple, accurate and my object of focus while I made the hike. I held the map as though for everyone to see that I had an invitation to this place, and was not merely exposing my my soul to them for the fun of it. It was my sort of Marauderʼs Map. My horcrux. I was hyper sensitive to the people around me, and I made little or no eye contact. I heard a few slight comments as I rolled on past a food court where many scrubs of blues and greens were sitting and foraging. I could feel and see in periphery some attention
    coming from these parts. An older black woman be like “Uh-huuuh” as she moved past in traffic.
    The map, it led to where I needed to be. I found myself in a waiting room that was more quiet than the rest of the hospital, and was greeted by a receptionist who complemented me on my nails and said something about french manicures and got me moved right along. Then a lady named Barbara came out and took me back to an office where I signed some forms and paid for the visit… I was then escorted to a small office with a closed curtain window and desk with computer and a few chairs…
    This is where I first meet Dr. Chris Kraft. Good first impression. I was fixin my makeup when he came in. Perfect. He does not stay long. The comes Dr. Lowell. She informs me that the curtain is actually for an observation mirror and that our upcoming conversation will be viewed by third parties. This was unsettling and intriguing. When the curtain opened, I smiled and waved to myself in the mirror. The observers may have numbered as many as 20 over the course of the interview. I could see the door opening every now and again, so folks were coming and going.
    By now I was relaxing a little bit and had two opportunities to complete my makeup and put extra stuff in my bag. I was operating with a backpack, purse and water bottle. I wondered what the folks on the other side of the mirror were perceiving when they watched Dr. Loll and I begin to form our conversation. It was nagging. Dr. Lowell asked questions about intimate details of my sexual history that I was guarded about responding to in that setting. There was an answer for each of her questions, but being adder crackʼd and 32 hours in to my day, my responses were not very good. I felt like I stuttered and dodged some answers. This approach was not very comfortable for me, but I guess there was no harm done. Kinda HAWT now that I think about it… sorta like a webcam… Camming, old school peepshows, going to the clinic…
    She asked about my sexual past. Who, what where… She referred to my info packet that has every thing from conception forward… I have never really thought about this but she pointed out that except for two single occasions, I have never had a “boyfriend”. Kinda sad thinking about it on those terms. She is right however. Anyhoo.
    She was focused on asking questions about the girls I have been with over the years. Fatigue led to me not volunteering more. She asked about my masturbation habits. Since I havent had a boyfriend, thats the bulk of the series. I was unable to tell her in that session, with the mirrored wall about how I get myself off… I didnt have the energy either…
    So after a while that session ended and Dr Lowell got up and left explaining sheʼd be back after conferring with her co workers… The curtains closed. It was me again, sitting in the little room.
    I wondered what they were talking about. I wondered who they were? Boredom led me to inspect the computer screen and login CSS form… No way of me using this
    computer for some whatever while im waiting… Dr. Lowell comes back a while later and asks has me gather my gear and follow her down a hall to where we were going to meet the “team”. I asked her as I was gathering my bags ʻhow many people?ʼ and she said like ten or a few more.. Sheepishly I just went and rolled on with it, perhaps with a lump in my throat and knotted gut. We walked down the hall. I could see some folks settling in the board room at the end of the the hall, not relating that they were who we were going to see. As I approached the room, I had to just Keep Calm. It was with great Zen that I entered the room with all eyes on me. All 50 or 60 eyes on me. There were 25 or 30 people in there all sitting and looking at me. Some smiling others not. All eyes on me. There were a LOT of people involved in the decision making process of this initial assessment. This must have been the board of directors. There were lab coats and sharp suits, blouses and dockers. Every seat at the ring of tables was taken and the walls were lined with occupied chairs. I felt a sensation of complete confusion and was overwhelmed with anxiety as I approached my chair and answered this groups first question which was from the Dr. Schmidt, which was how I would prefer to be addressed. Good start. The lead fellow, Dr. Chester Schmidt, took the lead in asking me why I had sought the services of the SBCU.
    I tried to open up and pour my heart out to this group, but I was somewhat overwhelmed. I stuttered and froze a few times. I was tired and found myself avoiding eye contact. So I would start to make it again intently with people. I made sure to give everyone in the room a little bit of eye contact. There were a lot of folks…
    This is where the prospect of hormone therapy was first mentioned. As I answered the questions the good doctor asked, others in the room would nod when I gave my answers. They had seen something before. I could see them categorizing my expressional behavior. They asked me why I waited so long, why it took so long for me to come to them. I answered them with one word. ʻFearʼ.
    When we discussed the possibility of hormone treatment, it was suggested that there may be ways to overcome my inability to express submissive sexual behavior while outwardly expressing as a male. I agreed there may be ways, but I have explored myself and simply do not see a guy doing a guy as beautiful. Guy mode sucks and I want it to die. I have urges to be a submissive sexual partner, but when I look at my body it is ALL wrong and that prevents me from having the confidence I need to go forth… I think the hormones will not only have physical effects that will alter my body appearance, but have an effect on my psychology and perspective in relation to my behavior. I think it will remove some of the shame by increasing its physical drive… When I was asked about my knowledge of hormone replacement therapy, my answer indicated my infantile knowledge base of the subject. I felt again so small.
    After the floor was opened up to any one with questions, a few came and then I was thanked and again ushered back to that little room with the curtain.
    This time I was nervous. What had just happened? That board room had senior doctors and trustees and fellow associates sitting on it, young and old. The decision making power of the people in that room was tremendous. I was pacing back and forth. I could not sit down. Was this the moment in my life that will fully begin the hormonal transition in my life? I was a calm centered basketcase. I just kept moving…. After
    what seemed like an hour, prolly more like 30 min, Dr. Lowell and Dr. Schmidt came in smiling and addressed the situation with respect and grace. They said “after a unanimous vote among all members, that transitional counseling is recommended and that we should consider me to be at the first stage of the transition process”. We all said our goodbyes, they told me that this outcome was ʻvery goodʼ and that someone would be calling me.
    That was it. We all left and went home.
    As I walked out to my car in the parking garage, thru the hospital, past the people, I felt so free, for the first time, it was like a dream. I await the hormones and the real change…
    ****************************************************************************************************
    Well friends, those hormones are real and so is the change. I couldnʼt be happier. The past 9 months have been great and I expect they will only get better. My perspective and my body have already changed. Multiple close friends have expressed that I am happier, more cheerful and more pleasant to be around. I sure hope so. I was a dick. Its funny to read back over this and see how paranoid I was about this.. My god.
    My doctors at Hopkins and MedStar Union Memorial and Lake Falls are nothing short of amazing people. Dr. Kraft has become my therapist and I see him once every three months or so. Dr. Westrick, my physician, has got to be one of the most gentle men I have ever met. Every time he lays a hand on me its like Charmin Ultra Soft. His energy is gentle. These are my good docs.
    I donʼt expect any one of you to understand. If you choose to remain in contact with me, I guarantee a loyal dog and never a dull moment. I expect only that we maintain respect through open communication channels. If we are going to share this life, dont block me out, I wont block you out. Call ʻem if you see ʻem. This really changes nothing except what you will see when you look at me. I will still be looking back at you from the same place I have always, just maybe from behind some lashes and glittery eyeliner.
    The images that come to mind when the term transgender comes up are frightening. Even I have them. Images of rocky horrors that should not exist. The guy from Silence of the Lambs and his skin suit, bad drag shows on the far side of town and any other bearded tit imagery that is floating around out there. They all help to shape the public image of what it means when they hear that so&so is transgendered. I must say, they do a CANTANKEROUS JOB and bring nothing but a disgusted curiosity from a disgruntled audience.
    Truth be told, fact of the matter, true story: The trans folks I have met have included some of the most communicatively intelligent individuals I have ever met in my life, anywhere, hands down. I have TGirls among my friends who would never be mistaken as having been born male and get hit on regularly. There are TGirls out there like
    Kristen Beck, (though I donʼt support her tranny army) who is absolutely amazing and is decorated in elite service to this country and professional journalist like Janet Mock who is published and appears on CNN and perhaps other channels. In some cultures, transgendered peoples have occupied positions of religious and spiritual power, such as Medicine Men and Sages who spoke of ʻa third genderʼ.. Which goes to say it is nothing new. Modern medicine is just making it better. Yay! I donʼt see it as a third gender, because that is confining to what it can be. To me, its a fluid space between masculine and feminine, an overlap that envelopes the broad spectrum of human consciousness that allows for the equal or appropriate application of logic and emotions in a given situation and is essentially limited only by fear driven self impositions. Bazinga!!!
    For some reason, there a a bunch of words and hulabaloo about what means what and where you can say this and where you can say that.
    RuPaul and the Drag Queens got all cramped over the term SheMail as used as Ru Paulʼs fan based webmail segment on Ru Paulʼs Drag Race TV show. Some more professional transgendered citizens do not appreciate the term Shemale, as they derive a derogatory implication to its meaning, however it is a standard tag when dealing with transgender erotica and is commonly found somewhere on a videoʼs descriptor tags. Transexual is again reserved for porn.
    Transgendered is the preferred nomenclature across the board. Transgender is defined as having a core identity that differs from biological sex.
    Transvestite is ridiculous, has roots in Rocky Horror, and is NOT the preferred nomenclature, but basically describes a non-transgender/transitioning, long-term X- dresser. God you cant trust wiki on this subject… that is not a DSMV diagnosis. The correct DSMV ICD-9 is 302.50 – 302.53 Transexualism and 302.85 Gender Identity Disorder and the correct DSMV ICD-10 is F64.1 Gender Identity Disorder. Recently it has been referred to as Gender Dysphoria, meaning simply the opposite of EUPHORIA about oneʼs assigned gender. Who likes assigned seats? Gender, really?
    Transgenderism or whatever you wanna call it is lumped with the LGB community, and for good reason, and bad. Simply because someone is MTF (Male to Female;TGirl) or FTM (Female to Male;TransMen) does not really constitute that they engage in homosexual behavior. They might, but not necessarily. Most members of the LGB community donʼt take well to members of the T community and it is because T people are not ʻgayʻ in the sense that they are attracted to members of the opposite sex. Since the ʻTʻ sort of throws in a third gender, there is no opposite sex. There is an attractive person. No types, no molds. Either the ʻforce is strong with this one or its notʼ. Female, male, TG, TM, dog, cat, sheep, tree, gerbil (Lemmingwinks) or whatever. Since the ʻTʻ has obscured the gender line, psychologists are classifying fully-transitioned, transsexual behavior that is in accordance with perceived and adopted gender norms as heterosexual.
    So in Lehmanʼs… if a person who was born male and transitions fully to female via HRT and full reassignment surgery, gets it on with a a non transitioned male, its heterosexual.
    If a person born female who fully transitions to male via HRT and full reassignment surgery gets it on with a non transitioned, genetic girl (GG), its heterosexual.
    So if the MTF/FTM is sexually active during transition, what group do they fall in?
    This is the PB and J of it for me. It is very different for every ʻTGirlʼ… “The Chad” is attracted to smokinʼ hot brunette genetic girls (GGs). “The BekkiMicha” is attracted to smokinʼ hot GGʼs, guys, TGirls and even some TMen.
    Below is an example of how the media has influenced societal behavior norms.
    Bear with me here.
    There are limitless images of girl on girl action used in advertising from Chee-tos to NASCAR, which is used directly to influence a predominantly male target market BUT is equally effective in marketing to women. Old world cultures such as Rome and Greece, and new world cultures such as Germany, England and China – none of these cultures use girl on girl imagery to advertise and in many, girl on girl is viewed as sac-religious the work of the devil and unacceptable. Our media has made girl on girl imagery acceptable because, face it, women are fun to look at. Americans love fun.
    Our media has done the EXACT same thing with guy on guy imagery, but in the opposite direction. Classic cultures such as Rome and Greece all depict guy on guy imagery and such concepts are even portrayed in old world biblical paintings of little naked angels high in the architecture. Our culture (if you want to call it that) has taken male on male contact and made it an absolute social taboo. Something that no man shall ever do to or with another man lest he burn in hell.
    When the boy inside of me (Tony, the little boy who lives in my mouth) is attracted to a girl, I could show it, at least modestly with gentle body language and openness of heart. Especially when I was younger, but then, I was full of god-awful testosterone.
    When the girl inside of me is attracted to a male, my body has many times prevented there from being a display of physical gratitude or genuine affection. Again with the hiding, I have cultivated ways to prevent myself from seeing my body, thus allowing me to engage in limited displays.
    What the hell is wrong with loving your friend regardless of what is between their legs? Having to subdue this for years, it eventually effected my ability to show affection to the ladies while I was posing as a guy. After you Snotnose, I was broken. Looking back, thank you and I miss you every day.
    When the girl inside of me is attracted to another hot TGirl, there is no incongruence between my body and my soul, her body and her soul. We are both of the same realm. We use toys and machines and cameras and lights… its unbelievably erotic. However, if Iʼve regressed for a moment in to the male perspective, I can look at that same hot TGirl and be just as attracted as I was in the female. It is this image of what is beauty that is given to us by?? None other than… you guessed it.
    The portrayal of gender roles has been manipulated by our Media Machine and its pro-family agenda. By making us feel guilty for our behavior, we wind up doing exactly what they want us to. Ask no questions and spin the economic wheel.
    What is in your heart defines your role. What it is that you do with your life and your precious time. Its not what clothes best fit your body or what job you worked so hard to get. Its whats in your heart. If that is love, you already know it. If that is hate, it might be unclear. If you think you know it, you dont. When you know it, you know it. How bout it?
    Love is love in China just like it is in Franz Josef Land just like it is in Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Germany, the United Kingdom and The United States. Love is ubiquitous on Planet Earth. It does not matter what biological sex. If it does, this means sex is about fitting your body parts to anotherʼs. I guess for some, thats what it means. It is nothing more than a tool for procreation.
    To me, its like two atoms each with their own valence charge, becoming so close and vibrating together so quickly that they share in each others electrical charge and each go away with a little bit of the otherʼs life force energy, or prana. Once that prana is within us, it moves about as chi. As anyone with acupuncture experience knows, when chi gets blocked, it usually takes another person to make it flow again.
    Below is another excerpt from my journal, that predates the previous.
    The next excerpt talks about when I was 12.
    A 12 yr. old in a bathroom knows more about this than anyone. The prize of her first panties cut from hose was the beginning of a process that would bring shame, deception, enlightenment and pleasure. Only recently have the tools and tales come together enough to tell her story. Like many great collections, this one will never finish or come to cease. It is a collection of perception both learned and discovered.
    As the 12 year old stood in front of the mirror admiring the sheer of the newly prized nylon over her skin, an elation of accomplishment and triumph consumed her whole self. While downstairs a family gathering buzzed about the house, she knew that what she was doing felt right and good but at the same time, there was a fear of rejection. It was her family where this fear was rooted. what she thought she knew of her parents and siblings at this age petrified her when she thought of the chide sheʼd get, indefinitely, if she was caught.
    Time began to pass as the 12 year old became 15 and then 18. By the end of High School, the deceptions and belittled self esteem that had developed around her were mounting and it was about this time that she needed social interactions more than anything else. For an 18 year old with a gender identity anomaly, navigating the politics of early adulthood from inside the wrong body created a whirlwind of expressional attempts that reaped somewhat serious consequences over time. Had there been a sense of safety way back at age 12, perhaps the 18 year old could have been able to address and integrate better her gender identity.
    Thing is, she knew way before she was 12. There were times in school or in public where sheʼd see another girl and be so struck with admiration, and love for that other girl, sheʼd want to be her or like her, and have others feel the same toward her. This yearning was always there and never went away. When sheʼd see girls like this, quietly she wish to be like them and to get the kind attention that they got from their environments.
    She wanted to feel and be pretty. The body she was given was not supposed to be displayed, for it was just a boyʼs body. Day in and day out, year after year, she went to school wearing boys clothes that did not make her feel pretty. In fact, they made her feel just the opposite. When she saw herself as a boy, her value and self worth were in question to herself. An internal duality between herself and everyone else was a daily reality. At times, she suppressed it or ignored it, but it was always there.
    As she turned 21 and her freedom and ability for expressions increased, old repressed aspects of her personality began to emerge. She quickly embraced them and developed them into methods that allowed her time as a girl, even though much of this time was spent alone. Her sexuality was recognized and revealed here, more than any other time before that. She learned about the erotic pleasure of being a submissive partner and discovered sensations and nerves she didnʼt know she had. All of this took place over the course of 2 or 3 years and is recorded in her diary as her “true” formative years.
    Meanwhile, as this was occurring, the body of the boy was still trying to compete and be a boy, engaging in risky behaviors and assembling an image of masculinity around these activities. During these moments, the girl inside was shunned and hidden, starved from her own life breath. The boy denied himself his own truth and quietly prayed for help or to just go away. All because the girl inside was afraid to be heard. All because the boy had been taught he was not allowed to be pretty.
    The boy created social networks and hierarchies based around his images while neglecting the true energy of her soul. She only allowed people to see him and for what they might have seen of her, he had deceitfully crafted decoys or excuses around them. This behavior isolated her and had a negative impact on the development of her self identity. She had to be a boy because she was afraid of what people would say if they knew.
    All this time was passing and she continued to be repressed, hiding herself from family and friends, still ashamed of herself in comparison to the ideals of her environment and community. Slowly she started to realize that it she needed to embrace it and allowed creativity to blossom in her free time when the beautiful girl could fully emerge. This creativity allowed her to increase her outward appearance and explore fashions in clothing and behavior that do not come to the psyches of the male gender. These internal explorations showed her parts of herself sheʼd never seen during all those years of growing up. It was during this time that she discovered the amazing tactile sensation that her smooth, shaven skin offered. A feeling that sheʼd never had known donning body and leg hair. She thought about all the men in the world who will never experience their own skinsʼ sensations. This made her feel good for the first time, about her body.
    This was not the only thing she was learning about. As she became more familiar with herself, her taste for erotic pleasures diversified. It was not until she was 25 that she lost her virginity as a girl. this was a turning point in her life that could have come earlier if things had been different. It would have been a very different 20ʼs had that been the case.
    The liberation from herself opened more perspectives to her still. The external expressions of femininity became more easy for her to wear, and at the same time the concern for other peopleʼs opinions diminished. She reduced the inhibiting thoughts and increased the enabling ones. Her wardrobe was also beginning to expand beyond just bedroom lingerie. Outerwear like pants and sweaters, skirts and tops began to accrue. Over time she included accessories like jewelry and make-ups and eventually expanded into a larger video/photo make up kit that is with her to this day.
    However, she still hides from some, mostly those she need not hide from. her family will never support her, and that is alright. She has come to know that. Why then does she not reveal herself to her closest friends. Her friends that do know about her soul are genuine and interested. So why canʼt she bring some people in to her circle. She is reminded of this question frequently.
    She asks the question, as if to answer herself, concluding that her social/communication structures with her friends in question were built and developed under the guise of her bodyʼs gender and the external images she created around it. To redevelop the characteristics of a communicative relationship could be difficult or impossible. Once, she did take a chance with a friend, and it did not go very well. Misunderstanding and fear caused for a tension that became too unbearable for both and she never hears from him anymore. these are very real reasons for not bringing people in. Is it better to have the friends you have but not be 100% with them 100% of the time or is it better to be 100% with your friends and risk they might not be able to deal, effectively losing them? The main fear is being tagged or considered sick, broken, gay, or just plain weird. This still scares her.
    ****************************************************************************************************
    How about ʻNone of the Aboveʼ
    Addressing some of what is written above… These perspectives were cast long before I went to Hopkins. I have been recording bits and pieces of this since forever and somehow that little diddy made it along for the ride. It has come a long way and in a few weeks it will be in L.A. for the 2015 Transgender Erotica Awards or TEAShow.
    I am happy to say that I was wrong about my family. While I havenʼt been given Victorias Secret gift cards, both mom and dad have remained tasteful, classy and respectful. When Im rockin sweet nails, neither one says a thing anymore. When I got my ears pierced, they got over it. So, Iʼm guessing that when I get my …operation..(s)… theyʼll get over it. My oldest brother has been classy too. I am very impressed with how he took it when I broke the news last June. He asked questions and showed a genuine, if not weighted interest. My other brother, well a few years ago he sent me a birthday card that read ʻFor a Great Girlʼ… and this was after he and his hunting buddies found a jpeg of BekkiMicha on my computerʼs desktop… so Iʼm sure he wonʼt be too surprised either.
    As for everyone else, some of you I havenʼt seen in over ten years, some of you a bit more current, I hope that my honesty has not incited fear in you. I hope that the breadth of detail I have provided here helps toward, at least, a little understanding. I hope nobody takes this too seriously, or themselves for that matter. The person you knew before is still here, its just that I might look a lot different the next time you see me and have a different frequency prana. Nothing else will have changed.
    If you decide this is too much and you want out, my friend, its been real. I dont expect you to change for me cuz I sure as hell wont be changing for you. I have already had a few bug out, you wonʼt be the first. Or last. I am prepared to lose everything in order to find what is real. Unfortunately this includes people. I pray to the Great Everywhere that each of you is granted the physical ability and spiritual fortitude to take this with a grain of salt and not get your panties in a bunch. I humbly pray and ask that each of you feel totally free to ask me questions. I like them. They help me grow.
    Either way, my days of constant defense and never letting them see me cry are over. If I feel like it, I will happily cry you a river and laugh at myself afterwards. If I feel like it, Iʼll offend you so intensely youʼll consider my guts for your next sausage. If I feel like it, Iʼll hold you like youʼve never been held. No more walking through life on eggshells.
    Eventually I will be shutting this FB page down. Put a big oIʼ tombstone as my cover photo. Or maybe a Hollywood Star. I will happily extend a friend invite to my real facebook page, should anyone be interested. Send me an IM. Just know, I keep
    company with tranny pornstars and other transgendered entertainers, so if that frightens you, stay away. Otherwise, Iʼll see you on the dark side of the moon.
    Please, stay classy and ASK any questions you have.

  22. God damn do I fucking HATE this culture…. shit made me bawl for real. Why are people so… perverted! That’s what it is. It’s perversion of humanity. It is the outright destruction and soiling of our inherent, loving nature…

    I’m reminded of John Coffey from “The Green Mile” saying “he killed them with they love”

    …that’s what we are doing, we are *killing* what is good and pure and precious in our children by teaching them that love of beauty is equivalent to weakness and that to “love” a person is to own and dominate them…

    Fucking perversion. Turning something into an unnatural version of itself. More people need to be reminded what that word really means. Folks are so obsessed with sex (another product if our repression of our nature) they think the word only applies to sexual kinks. Fact is, you can have all kinds of sexual kinks without being a “pervert” but fucking up a child’s head and shitting on their hearts because you were taught to enforce arbitrary gender “norms” with extreme prejudice… that makes you a pervert for real.

    This post fucking BROKE me. I am a sobbing mess right now.

    Swear to god we should be legally allowed to shoot parents in the foot for shit like that.

    Maybe that would have made me “man enough” for this goddamn family when I got verbally torn down and then beaten for not being a good enough shot to hit a tiny ass starling we weren’t even gonna eat…

    Well I can hit them just fine now dad! From a hundred yards away, with iron sights no less. Hope you are fucking proud!

    …all it cost me was my sanity, my heart, and my well-being… made me a violent piece of shit, destroyed my family, lost me all my friends, got me sent to jail, broke my kids’ hearts… but I am good a fighting and killing, and that;s all that matters, right?

  23. By the way, I am a yoga teacher now, as well as a teacher of “soft style” martial arts and wilderness skills. I do what I do for two reasons, 1) these are the skills I have to work with and 2) because practicing these things is what brought me balance and helped me to recover from the trauma that you can see clearly in my previous comment… That’s the thing with PTSD, it doesn’t go away, you just learn to manage it a bit better. When it comes to martial arts, “soft styles” or “internal” arts require much more mindfulness and tend to emphasize slow movement in practice. These are styles like taijiquan (Tai Chi) and Aikido. Yoga works in much the same way. More than just asana (poses) there is also breath work, meditation, diet, and ethics. Practicing yoga and martial arts literally changed my life. Perhaps ironically, I got back into it when I was locked up, and it saved my life when I was in there, and allowed me to change it when I got out.

    I currently live with my partner and youngest child and we are doing fine. I miss my elder son, but I still see him every other weekend. He is sensitive too, and I try to draw from my own experience to help him maintain self-control while also being compassionate toward his nature.

    I just want to tell everyone who has suffered like this, everyone who has been turned inside-out and upside down, everyone who has had their goodness perverted by the kinds of actions described in the above post… there IS hope, you CAN change… it is not easy, and it takes constant effort, but it is worth it, and far better than the alternative.

    My advice to everyone who encounters an abomination like this; same thing I taught my son about bullies and violent, angry people in general. 11 out of 10 of these individuals has been hurt in the past, probably by a lot of people, and over a long time. They seem mean and angry, when, in reality, they are just scared. They are scared constantly, and the fear never goes away. So, when someone behaves like a bully, when someone is unreasonable or irrationally violent, start by saying something like “I’m sorry” then, when that confuses them, say “I don’t know who hurt you, but whatever made you feel this way, you didn’t deserve it. You can be a good person if you want to. You don’t have to be like this. I understand you may not be ready, and that’s okay too. For now, let’s just go our separate ways and let this problem fade.”

    Chances are no one has ever said anything like that to them. I know it sure would have helped me if they had…

  24. How I sum up this whole comments sections.

    Confirmation bias, or the tendency to interpret information as confirmation of one’s existing beliefs or theories.

    Fascinating.

  25. The parents are the ones who teach their son what they feel is proper behavior. I wish we had MORE parents do this, rather than following the mewling crowds of sheeple.

  26. Clowns should be clowning, and parents should be parenting. The parents didnt try to start painting faces, so the clown shouldnt have started parenting the child. Regardless of what happened, the face painter overstepped the boundary

  27. This was a sad story, but Im more so saddened by the jerky comments I read afterwards trying to argue some war between the sexes bullshit. We’re all in this together guys ..

  28. I see an issue other than complaining about whether or not the child should or should not get a blue butterfly paint job. The fact is, the parent said no. The employee overstepped her bounds by not only arguing with the parent, but then tried to paint a blue butterfly anyways. Whether she agreed or not with the parent’s decision, it is not her job to overrule the parent, which she tried to do even at the end. You can squabble all you want about the decision of the parent, but the employee did not have the right to try and do as she wants, simply because she disagreed with said decision.

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