In need of a laugh?
Twitter is where you should go. Because let’s be honest, people love to share their weird and embarrassing stories there. And there are never enough of those stories in the world.
So that is why we compiled some of the best short stories shared by Twitter users that will probably make you clutch your sides. Let’s begin, shall we? Scroll on below and take a look.
#1 Maybe wait ten more years?
My coworker told me he got banned from a bar when he lived in North Dakota back in 1973 and didn’t try going back to it for 30 years but he finally did and the moment he stepped in someone yelled “Get the hell out of here Dennis” And that’s probably my favorite story ever
— Brennan (@Bmangall20) December 13, 2017
#2 I’m hoping he understood.
My roommate went on a bumble date and was nervous so decided to pound shots in her car once she got to the place they were meeting and the guy was parked next to her and watched her chug vodka for 5 minutes.
Dating is rough.
— Syd (@s_kerekes) December 21, 2017
#3 I’ve only seen that happen in the movies.
13 years ago I ordered an m&m blizzard at Dairy Queen and the lady who took my order screamed “ONE SMALL M&M BLIZZARD!!!” at the top of her lungs then immediately turned around and started making it herself and it’s still the funniest thing that has ever happened to me
— hannah sorrell (@hannahkimberlee) December 8, 2017
#4 Our brains never forget.
In my 6th grade science class a girl read "orgasm" instead of "organism" and the class laughed & she was embarrassed. To calm her down our teacher told her everyone would forget in two weeks. It's been 9 years & I still remember Danielle. I fucking remember. I hope you see this. pic.twitter.com/gCXcXbJX2i
— wes (@sewkx) January 6, 2018
#5 Probably heard it from some kids dad.
When my youngest brother was little he was being bullied and went to my parents for help. They told him “Sticks and stones may break my bones” they then asked him to finish the phrase and he said “but chains and whips excite me” he seriously thought that was he second part.
— Max (@maxpalumbo5) January 3, 2018
#6 That song does that to people.
a girl passed out at the party im at and was out for a solid hour or so and then we started playing africa and she rose from the dead right in the middle of the chorus
— *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ (@satinmilk) January 1, 2018
#7 I have no idea.
I was in Walgreens and a girl screamed out “this my third Walgreens who tf buying up all the plan b’s?!” ??? y’all know I died in there. Like crying tears
— a red slusssshhhh… (@notnice_Jenn) January 1, 2018
#8 Now, that is savage.
Earlier today I went to a girl's highschool soccer game and there was a rough play where two players went to the ground. I guess one of them pulled the other's hair so she gets up and says "I liked it better when your bf pulled my hair" not even the ref knew what to do. I fainted
— Ricky Corona (@RickyCoronaa) December 30, 2017
#9 You raised him right.
he's 5 years old and said a curse word one day in response to not getting his way. i got eye level with him and told him we don't use words like that in our house. this child looked me dead in my eyes and said "this is an apartment, not a house"
— Rebecca (@rebeccaisdope) January 8, 2018
#10 The more important thing is, that why do you have this?
So they changed my gate in my layover and I ask the employee what the gate changed too. I showed her my screenshotted ticket and she looked at me strange and just ask me where I was going. I told her and then looked at my phone to realize I was actually showing her this pic.twitter.com/ZvfqV4p4yn
— Jordan ☀? (@TheRavenousDyke) December 29, 2017
#11 The robot take-over is near.
My aunt got a google home for Xmas & she already has “Alexa”. This morning we were messing around with the google home and asked, “okay google what do you think of Alexa” and it answered “I like her blue light” and from across the room Alexa turned on and said “thanks”. im scared
— allison (@AllisonCalhoun1) December 25, 2017
#12 What did you expect? How could anyone miss Jurassic Park?
once we went to the dentist w my mom & it was just us and 1 other guy in the waiting room. jurassic park was starting on the tv so we sat and waited through the entire movie. no names called. as the credits rolled the other man got up and called my moms name. he was the DENTIST
— kitty ray (@kittaveli) December 24, 2017
#13 Those are some good friends.
just heard a drunk girl outside my house scream “I’m going to Jeff’s!” and like three friends simultaneously said “you are not going to Jeff’s” and honestly that’s the most relatable shit of all time
— triscuit (@kaspanky) December 21, 2017
#14 Weird is good, if you ask me.
I met someone today who worked for Triple A and I thought they said Chick-fil-A so after 15 min of talking, I asked what his specific job was and he said roadside assistance and I was like wow chick-fil-a is unmatched…then I asked how they make their sauce and then it got weird
— Josh (@yourejoshinme_) January 5, 2018
#15 Kent must be really hungry.
today in class this guy I was sitting next to had a bag of carrots & the entire class he kept throwing them into his backpack. I asked him what he was doing & he was like "oh sorry do u want one? they're for Kent" and then just whips open his backpack to show his chinchilla Kent
— char (@charlottejorrey) December 4, 2017
#16 Already saved in my phone.
So this girl I volunteer with showed me this video last week of her leg giving out during a HS dive competition and I now watch regularly when i need a laugh pic.twitter.com/UalGTUeb9C
— Lesley Goynes (@lesleygoynes) December 2, 2017
#17 You should never let go of this man!
My man just FaceTimed me drunk as hell eating a slice of pizza while walking down the street and he goes YOU WANNA KNOW HOW PERFECT YOU ARE? LOOK AT THIS PIZZA… FOR YOU, I’LL DROP THIS PIZZA. IT’S GONE! and just threw the damn pizza into the street
— Kelly (@kellyblaus) November 27, 2017
#18 And you don’t even know her name, how adorable!
So get this, two years ago in South Padre this girl let me log into her Spotify premium for a pregame and she still hasn't kicked me off it…modern day love story I hope you're doing well babe
— Mike (@CallMeTownes) November 25, 2017
#19 Chihuahua’s are masters at hiding in jackets.
This guy got on the bus and just stared at me and Lulabelle on my lap for a solid 30 seconds then goes “are you allowed to have dogs on the bus” and I just shrugged thinking he was gonna give me shit or something but then he pulls out a chihuahua out of nowhere
— alek? (@mogvvai) November 14, 2017
Have any stories that you would like to share with us? If so comment on below and let us know. We would love to hear your thoughts.