12 Times the “Sexual History” Question Went Weird

Remember your visit to the doctor when for the first time you were asked that sexual history question?

It might have felt uncalled for and you might have got confused or the luck just struck in and you said the perfect response.

Sexual history question is one of those pre requisite questions asked by medical staff on your visit to the doctor. These questions help the doctors and nurses to get a good and precise start to treat your ailment.

These twelve accounts from doctors, nurses and the patients tell us that the sexual history question can bring about some really interesting responses. Let’s have a look!

#1. Be Cool

When I was in year seven, probably 11 or 12 years old, I had broken my foot in a way that needed a minor surgery. So my cute twenty something nurse was asking me the pre questions with my dad.

When she got to the personal part, she asked if I wanted my dad to leave the room. I said no, because, whatever.

When she asked if I was sexually active, I turned to my dad and said in a loud whisper, “I want her to think I’m cool.”

#2. Socially Active

The best response I’ve heard to this question was from a quiet guy in my freshman college English class.

Somehow our discussion on vaccines led to this topic, and he told a story about his doctor asking if he was sexually active.

His perfect response was, “Bro, I’m not even socially active.”

#3. Sweet Ride

One of my classmates was asking a 75 year old woman with dementia about her occupation for a PT exam.

Her response: “I give blowjobs in my garage to afford my sweet ride.”

#4. “Not that that would change a thing, though.”

I’m a hospital corpsman (navy medic) and I had this older retired salty dog as a patient a while ago.

His wife had passed away, but I didn’t know that.

When I asked if was sexually active he said, “Well, no for two reasons: I’m married, and she’s dead. Not that that would change a thing, though.”

I felt terrible, and then he just started laughing and told me not to feel bad.

Seriously caught me off guard though.

Crusty old bastard!

#5. Huge Difference

My doctor was just telling me a story…

Back when they first started performing vasectomies, doctors had to call their patients back for standard follow up questioning a number of weeks after the procedure.

He told me he got the same answers from all of the couples he interviewed:

Any Sensation change? -No, Any performance Change? – No… etc.

This went on and on… until one day, he asked a couple if there was anything different after the procedure. Any changes at all….

The wife said YES… There is a huge difference since he had the surgery.

My doc was very surprised, and when he inquired further, the wife said, “It tastes different”…

He said it was all he could do to keep from laughing as he made the note of, “Seminal fluid tastes different after procedure”

#6. Lottery

I told my doctor back in high school that I wasn’t sexually active and she said:

“And you go to ______ High School?! I should play the lottery!”

#7. “Encyclopedic”

“Encyclopedic…” was the reluctant response a nurse friend once told me she received from the wife of a well known local Baptist minister.

She was well into her 70’s and had recently celebrated her and her husband’s 50th wedding anniversary.

When asked to clarify, she admitted to being unfaithful to her husband with over 1000 men and several hundred women.

Her most recent escapade had been the previous day.

#8. TMI

“Literally got road head on the way here”

#9. Birth Control

Paramedic here. I once asked a 20 year old female with abdominal pain:

ME:”Are you sexually active?”

HER: “Yes”

ME: “Any chance you’re pregnant?”

HER: “Absolutely not, I could never be pregnant”

ME: “Not all birth control is 100% effective.”

HER: Mine is.

ME: “What kind of birth control is it?”

HER: “Um…lesbianism.”

#10. “Not that kind…”

Medical school in Philadelphia.

I was in surgery clinic and going through the “review of systems,” and like any good med student covering every system possible as I was seeing this 72 year old African American guy.

“Any discharge from your penis sir?”

With a smile, he exclaims, “Not in about 12 years!”

Took me half a second then I cracked up and said, “Not that kind sir, but you’re hilarious”

#11. Good or Bad?

This is how it went during my last physical

Nurse: “Are you sexually active?”

me: “No.”

Nurse: “Really?!”

She had a surprised look on her face, and I’m not sure whether I should feel good or bad about myself

#12. “Outlook Favorable”

I gave a new gyno one of her favorite responses to “Currently sexually active?”

I had recently started seeing someone, and we weren’t quite there yet, so I said “Outlook favorable.”

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  1. Doctor to me about 3 months post partum: “What are you using for birth control?” Me: “resentment and exhaustion”

  2. I have two stories. One is mine and one is my mum’s.

    She was well into her 40s and needed to go to the ER. The nurse comes in with a bunch of vials and such. And holds up a pregnancy test and asks if she can pee. My mum just laughed and said I can but it’s not needed. A, I’ve had my tubes tied since my daughter’s were little. And b, you need to have sex to make a baby.

    Mine. Every time I go to the doctor they ask the same questions. I don’t go all that often so I guess I don’t stick in the minds all that much. So the nurse does the spiel, gets down to the sexual history stuff. First she asks if I have a boyfriend. I say no but I don’t see how that’s relevant. The nurse looks at me like I’m dim and goes “You know, sex.”
    To which I replied, you don’t need a boyfriend to have sex. You just need a willing participant. This made her eyes go big then she went on to the question of an I sexually activate and goes should I mark that as yes? No, I’m a virgin. At the time I was like 23 or 24. She just looks at me with that face that says yeah right. So I go, I know, I know, I’m tricking unicorn.

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