Stupid jokes are the best kind of jokes.
You know when someone cracks a really, really lame joke, and for two seconds you just stare at them with disgust, and then you blow up with laughter? Yeah, those kinds of jokes.
So, compiled from AskReddit, here we have 33 jokes that are so stupid, they’re actually hilarious:
#1 Why did the old lady fall in the well?
Because she didn’t see that well.
#2 The frustrated cannibal threw up his arms.
#3 What is green, fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
#4 Two fish are sitting in a tank.
One fish looks to the other and goes, “How do you drive this thing?”
#5 Knock knock.
Dishes Sean Connery.
#6 What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
#7 How do you make a net?
You sew a bunch of holes together.
#8 My wife walked in on me masturbating to an optical illusion.
I said, “Honey, it’s not what it looks like!”
#9 The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn’t talking to me.
#10 Why don’t ants get sick?
Because they have little anty-bodies.
#11 Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.
#12 Two cannibals sit around a campfire.
One says, “man, I hate my mother-in-law.”
The other one says, “Well then try the potatoes.”
#13 A blind man walks into a bar… then a table, a chair and a woman.
#14 What’s red and smells like blue paint?
#15 What’s brown and rhymes with snoop?
#16 There are two muffins baking in an oven.
The first muffin says, “Man, it sure is hot in here.”
The second muffin says, “Holy crap, a talking muffin!”
#17 “Knock, knock.”
Very long pause.
#18 I bought the world’s worst thesaurus last week.
Not only is it terrible, but it is terrible.
#19 Do you know why when geese fly in a ‘V’, one end is longer than the other?
There are more geese on that end.
#20 How do you think the unthinkable?
….with an ithberg.
#21 A plateau is the highest form of flattery.
#22 This is my step ladder.
I never knew my real ladder…
#23 Why can’t you see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re really good at it.
#24 What do you call a fish with no eyes?
#25 Fish swimming upriver and bumps his head.
#26 What’s brown and sticky?
#27 Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?
Because if they fell forward, they’d still be on the boat.
#28 What do you call a deer with no eyes?
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no ideer.
#29 Interviewer: How much water do they drink a day?
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black one.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Interviewer: Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?
Farmer: Because the black one’s mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It’s also mine.
#30 What did Zero say to number Eight?
#31 What’s the difference between a duck?
Two of its legs are both the same.
#32 Man walks into a bar and pauses:
At the other end of the bar, there’s this guy with a big orange head. Just kind of sitting there, mooning into his drink.
So the man asks the bartender, “Say, what’s up with the guy with the big orange head?”
And the bartender says, “It’s an interesting story. Buy him a drink and maybe he’ll tell it to you.” So the man walks over and introduces himself and offers to buy a round.
The guy with the big orange head says, “Yeah, I’ll bet you want to know the story, huh?”
To which the man replies, “Sure, if you don’t mind.”
The man with the big orange head sighs and says, “You know, I’ve gone over it in my mind a million times. Basically, it’s like this: I was walking along the beach one day, when I stubbed my toe on something. I looked down, and there was an antique brass lamp. I picked it up and dusted it off a little — when all of a sudden this enormous genie pops out!
The genie thundered, ‘You have released me from my ten-thousand year imprisonment, and I am in your debt. I will grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude.’
The man at the bar is agape. The guy with the big orange head continues: “So I said, ‘Wow, okay. Well, my first wish is to be fantastically wealthy.’
The genie says, ‘Your wish is granted.’ And all of a sudden I have rings on my fingers and a crown on my head, and my wallet is full of money and a dozen ATM cards and the deed to a mansion in the hills — I mean, I was loaded!
So I said, ‘Amazing! Okay, for my next wish , I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world.’
The genie says, ‘Your wish is granted.’ And the ocean parts, and out walks this gorgeous woman in this beautiful dress, and she takes my hand and we fall in love and the genie marries us right there. It was incredible.
The genie booms, ‘You have one wish remaining.’ The man with the big orange head pauses and sips his beer. He says, “Now, you know, this may be where I went wrong. I wished for a big orange head.”
#33 Three guys are hiking through the woods when they find a lamp
One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie.
It booms “You have finally freed me after all these years, so I’ll grant each one of you 3 wishes.” The first guy immediately blurts out “I want a billion dollars.” POOF, he’s holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50
The second man thinks for a bit, then says “I want to be the richest man alive.” POOF, he’s holding papers showing his net worth is now well over 100 billion.
The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says “I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life.” POOF, his arm starts rotating.
The Genie tells them it’s time for their second wish.
First guy says: “I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth.” POOF, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm.
Second guy says “I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want.” POOF, his looks change and the first guy’s wife immediately starts flirting with him.
Third guy says “I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die.” POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions.
The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish.
First guy does, and after a while says “I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die.” POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don’t bother him any more.
Second guy says “I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever.” POOF, he looks younger already.
Third guy smiles triumphantly and says “My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth.” POOF, he’s now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around.
The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways.
Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going. First guy is ecstatic: “I’ve invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets, and I’ve never gotten so much as a cold in all these years.” Second guy smiles and says “Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I’m still the richest guy alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven’t aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty wild in bed.”
Third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says:
“Guys, I think I messed up.”