Isolating myself, not living up to my potential at work due to lack of interest in anything, making self-deprecating jokes. I’ve said many times before, “I laugh, so that I don’t cry.”
Unfortunately, it’s all too true
People think I’m lazy and a freerider because I haven’t had a job since leaving uni.
They don’t realize that I want to work more than anything, but have an endless stream of negativity constantly running through my head that terrifies me out of even printing out an application form.
#13 Evil puppet master.
Depression to me was like having an evil person as my puppet master telling me that I will feel no joy, have no desire, have no energy, no appetite, no light. Like something steals your soul.
Until you have experienced it, you will not understand it. I wouldn’t wish this feeling on my worst enemy.
#14 Life of the party.
The excessive drinking.
Most people assume I’m trying to be the “life of the party” or just like drinking in general. I often get praised for it.
But my issues are much deeper than that.
Say that I’m tired or don’t feel good all of the time. They don’t realize how much depression can affect you physically as well as emotionally. I have a hard time finding energy when I’m in a depressive cycle.
That means I don’t stay on top of stuff & let things slide (like house work) because I use all of my energy for what absolutely has to be done. Then I have none left for anything else.
When I’m depressed, we eat out more, my house chores fall behind, & I binge watch TV or read to escape. But the energy, that’s just gone.
#16 Hidden anxiety.
I over compensate in my work environment…and I work front line at a Fitness Center, so I feel the need to portray an ‘extra happy, bubbly personality’.
As soon as I walk out the doors at the end of the day, I literally feel myself ‘fall’. It’s exhausting! Then my night is a constant battle in my head fighting my desire to ‘shrink’ and anxieties.
Most people that I interact with would NEVER know I live a daily battle of major depressive disorder, PTSD and anxiety. I am a professional at hiding it.
#17 Being angry.
Being angry, mean or rude to people I love without realizing it in the moment. I realize my actions and words later and feel awful that I had taken out my anger on people who don’t deserve it.
I wake up feeling like I’m a failure. I have to coach myself every morning into telling myself that I’m good at my job, my kids love me, my husband needs me…and if I don’t go to work everything gets shut off… it’s like I can’t move…
#19 Stuck up.
I don’t talk much in large groups of people, especially when I first meet them. I withdraw because of my anxiety and depression.
People think i am ‘stuck up’. I’m actually scared out of my mind worrying that they don’t like me, or that they think I’m crazy or stupid, by just looking at me..
Fighting day to day with not wanting to give up and trying to show myself my own self worth.
When I reach out when I’m depressed its cause I am wanting to have someone to tell me I’m not alone. Not cause I want attention.