People think I’m really flaky. I say I’m busy and I can’t do the thing I said I’d do but I’m busy hiding. That’s depression.
The great need to be busy until you’re so totally physically exhausted so you don’t have to be afraid of your own thoughts: that’s anxiety.
I find that after so many years I just can’t believe in people at all anymore. My vision of myself and the world is so negatively distorted that no matter how much I want to believe when people are nice to me, I can’t.
People who say I’m not ugly are lying and laughing behind my back. People who act like they like me are just going with the flow and don’t really care.
Even if they aren’t being mean, they’re just being polite, and it’s not like they care about me personally. Being a part of a group actually means that you’re just one more and don’t individually matter.
People are not honest, people are always just “polite” – kindness is a lie to look good to others and to feel good about themselves.
I get very apathetic. And I’ll refuse (read: I can’t) to make any decisions. Even tiny ones like what to eat.
I physically won’t be able to make a decision. So if there isn’t someone around to tell me to eat something and what to eat, I won’t eat. If there isn’t someone to tell me to go to sleep, I won’t.
It gets to the point where if someone asks me to make a decision or tries to force me to make a decision I’ll just curl up into a ball and cry.
I feel like a stranger in my own life.
Having had surgery, off work, no savings, short term disability behind, water frozen, kitchen full of dirty dishes, but I am alive and taking meds.
#45 Solving problems.
I’m always alone until someone in my family needs something. And I’m up all night trying to figure out how to solve everyone else’s problem.
After their problem are solved, they’re gone…no thank you, and they may even talk about me behind my back about how they used me again.
But If I don’t help, I’m the crazy sister, aunt,etc.. If family does this to you, I’m afraid to meet strangers.
No one cares that I’m alone all day at home hiding in the house with burns all over my body, I’ve been told that I’m too depressing to be around, until they need help again.
I need to drop my family and find people like me. But where do burn victims hook up? Heaven I guess!
#46 Not the only one.
I relate to so many of these. It’s helpful to know I’m not the only one. But reading all these makes me think of my own issues and makes want a drink in the the middle of the day.
It’s not just social anxiety and depression keeping me from a job. I’m afraid if I have a steady income I really will be an alcoholic. Right now I only buy some when my dad sends me money every now and then.
Or the rare occasion when my mom (who I live with and rely on for everything) wants some.
I only have one friend and she lives in a different state. She also suffers from depression, which might be worse than mine cos she rarely responds to my emails and we haven’t talked on the phone in something like as year.
She has a job and is busier than me and I know she’s struggling. But my anxiety makes me think she just doesn’t want to talk to me. Even though she sent me a Christmas present which is the only verification I’ve had in the last six months that she’s alive.
And I think or my anxiety does, that she only did that because I sent her a card and reminded her of my existence.
There’s just so much pain all around. And I don’t know how to fix it.
I avoid social interaction because I feel people tolerate me only to be polite to my husband or my son. When friends invite us over I stay at home for I don’t believe they really want me around.
I want to talk about it. And I want to scream. I want to yell. I want to shout about it! But all I can do is whisper “I’m fine.”
#49 Overwhelming emotions.
My emotions overwhelm me. I second guess everything I do or don’t do. As, I feel like no matter what I do it will be wrong.
I am constantly exhausted and want to escape into sleep to avoid life. Also, I feel hopeless and helpless and I don’t think anyone understands.
I want to scream for help but no one knows how to help me and I feel like they don’t want to hear it and they’re trivializing my struggle. And I want to physically cut it out of myself.
I’m an introvert and I’m being forced to work with customers. I find it extremely hard to just be outgoing with strangers.
Being put in that position constantly has caused me to withdraw from my friends as I’m being left so drained from these interactions at the end of the day that my recharge period takes up more time than I’d like.
I’m so depressed I’ve started eating and can’t seem to stop. My life is a nightmare. Everyone keeps telling me to try and find joy in what I do, but they don’t understand the effort it takes just to get up in the morning, knowing I’m going to have to face whatever lies ahead for the day.
I live in an extremely small town (moved here due to circumstances beyond my control) and jobs are really scarce. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to at all and my spirit is completely broken.
Everyone thinks I’m just being negative, but they don’t realize the amount of times I’ve thought of just ending it.